"Citgo World Unveiled!"
Syndicate member Citgo is known throughout the guild for his humor and his surprise "press release" on the unveiling of his new game, Citgo World, is certainly indicative of his good humored perspective of online gaming.
CitgoCorp Announces new MMORPG "CitgoWorld"
CitgoCorp is pleased to introduce a new online gaming experience for the
discriminating player. We feel the time is right for an online game that is limited only by the players imagination. Join us as we fight Dragons, kill Space Invaders, smack alien mutants around. Your foes are limited only by YOUR imagination.
One of the biggest complaints that people have about their current game is graphics. Gaming companies upgrade and upgrade and still customers complain about lousy graphics. CitgoWorld solve this problem by having NO graphics. That's right, our revolutionary system is powered by YOUR imagination.
Imagine you and your friends heroically battling "Trogdor, The Burninator", imagine the fire from your wizards blasting into his finely detailed scaley arse. Imagine your massive warsword "Smackyew" as it cuts huge chunks of giant lizard flesh out of his hide. Or maybe you and your friends want to kill Darth Nader, if you can imagine it, you can do it.
This revolutionary system also removes all problems with training and
fighting for spawns. Since YOU spawn your target, YOU control the
availability of your mobs. Note: in the Alpha test, we did have several
former EQ players imagine that they were camping a rare spawn, after 2 weeks and several imagined KS's, they petitioned our CS reps who arrived within minutes of the petition and imagined the mob spawning for the 2 players who gleefully killed their mob and imagined looting their phat lewts. Kudos to our fantastic support team.
Class balance has always been a point of contention between game designers and players. No players wants to feel like his character is un-needed or unbalanced. We have eliminated this problem by having NO CLASSES, that's right, we said no classes. There is no limit to the amount of skills or items that a character can acquire. We will have an open ended system of skills and itemization limited only by the power of your imagination and your pocketbook. Want an ogre warrior with massive nuking ability and a lightsaber? We can do that. For their $24.95 every player will get a basic character of any class they can imagine. For example: warrior, jedi, merchant, hooker. For an additional $1 a month characters can imagine getting additional abilities not associated with their class. In this way a player can their character anyway they want. If you have the money, you can play a Warrior Mage Thief Superhero Politician. This we feel will eliminate all class balance problems as the character is controlled by the player. This will also eliminate the problem with new players feeling that they can not play with friends who have established, high level characters. For a few dollars more a month, you too can have a high level character with scores of high level items.
Warning!: CitgoWorld is not responsible for players imagining that they are gimp, get some self esteem for feks sake!*
Did I say ITEMS? I sure did. In most games, players have to camp rare spawns for rare items to make their character more powerful. This inspires nothing but tedious boredom. At CitgoWorld, we feel that the player would be better served spending their time imagining epic battles than imagining camping some named mongoloid for a "Belt of Icy Refreshment" . Want a "+20 vorpal blade of Supreme Badness"? Sure you do, in most games you would have to spend months OR LONGER camping a monster that appears once every decade for 12 seconds only to kill it and find that it dropped some cloth gloves. Not in CitgoWorld, for $1 extra a month, we will give you your uber weapon, armor or jewelry piece. That's right, for only $1, you can imagine having the "Invulnerable Jockstrap of Extreme Padding", be the first to own items you can only imagine. No more will players have to look upon other players with envy, wishing that they had that uber gear. YOU CAN have it, in fact, if you can imagine it, you can have it.
During our Alpha Test we EXTENSIVELY tested all facets of our game. We feel that we will be the first online game to have a completely error free launch. Here are a few testimonials from some of our Alpha Testers. The names have been altered to protect their identities.
Mithr*ss: I liked the fact that I could play my monk, and for the first time feel like I was a valuable asset to the team. My damage output was
phenomenal. I paid the extra dollar and got some "Gloves of Spectacular Arse Whupping". It was worth every penny. Way to go CitgoWorld!
Rk*rle: I really appriciated that I could play a girlscout. None of the
games I have played have ever let me play the real "ME". Thanks CitgoWorld, I feel more in touch with myself than I ever have before. Cookies anyone?
Tam*jin: CitgoWorld gave me the opportunity I have always wanted, to play a useful dr00d. It cost a lot of dollors before my dr00d character was useful, but when I was done I felt that I had accomplished something that no one else had ever done. Thanks CitgoWorld, you rock.
Gazz*z: With my "Sword of the Almighty Smackdown" and "Breastplate of the Abrahms", I tank like nobodies business. The other day, me and three others imagined an epic battle with Flouron, God of Tooth Decay. He could barely lay a brush on me, it was a close fight, but with Jh*ssail imagining healing me and P*nkrat imagining he was a warrior, we managed to down him. We imaqined he dropped a +30 bow of overwhelming nastyness. GO US! I like that if the mobs get too tough, for a few dollars more, I can upgrade my equipment and be Top Dawg again.
R*nco: I finally got my pointy hat. That may not seem like a big deal to
you, but wizards just got to have a pointy hat. The first time I logged into CitgoWorld and imagined my pointy hat riding on my shiny bald head, sitting at a jaunty angle, I cried IRL. The fact that it was a "Pointy Hat of Catastrophic Damage" was a bonus. Thanks CitgoWorld, life is worth living again.
Ka*lea: I can't tell you what I imagined, but suffice to say MY CitgoWorl experience was worth every dollar I spent.
Dr*gons: As a desk jockey, I was very appreciative of the fact that I didn't have to play a traditional class. My high level filer/organizer is everything I ever wanted in a game. The other day, I logged on and imagined organizing 3 raids. JOY! I can't get over how real this game is, I imagine that I can hear the papers rustling as I rush to and fro filing frantically. Thanks CitgoWorld for making a game that I could enjoy.
New testimonials come in from our alpha testers everyday. The excitement is running high here at CitgoCorp. We are commited to providing the best
imaginary gaming experience EVER. We think a game should be limited only by what the player can afford, anything less is UNACCEPTABLE.
No more lousy graphics, no more poor customer service, no more poorly
balance classes and huge gaps in player power, NO MORE OF THE SAME OLD, SAME OLD. Join the growing legions of players making the switch to CITGOWORLD! Where our motto is, "If you can imagine it, and pay for it, you can have it!"
*Public Service Announcement: We have had a death in our alpha testing team. On March 1st, one of our new alpha testers logged on for the first time.
Without thinking, this player imagined playing an Everquest dr00d. Before our CS teams could respond, higher brain functions ceased in the player. As our game is based on imagination, and the player had effectively turned themselves into a vegetable, we felt it best to put them down. We at CitgoWorld offer our condolences. Please, think before you go dr00d.